My oldest lives with his girlfriend and we only speak once every few days. Occasionally, I’ll pick them up so they can borrow my car or take them for a coffee, etc. My younger 2 (ages 16 &18) sadly spend the majority of their time behind a damn screen, playing Xbox. I guess I’m really to blame as I’m not much better. I do try and take them out and we ‘run the roads’ a bit when we can (or when the gas money allows it) but as far as watching movies together, etc, they just never seem interested. In one hand I feel I’m lucky that at their ages they don’t wanna be out running around, yet at the same time, there is so much more we could be doing other than hiding in our rooms. 😦
Today has been a very strange day. I did smoke the bit of pot I had last night, and surprisingly I didn’t end up stuffing my face, however, since early this evening, I’ve felt ‘bitchy’, irritated and haven’t stopped thinking about it. I feel as though I’ve said goodbye to an old friend ffs. Pathetic I know.
But somehow, and I know it’s hard for some people to comprehend – but it makes me forget and not care and not worry, even when I eat, it’s just ‘who gives a shit’, I mean I don’t even think about. I don’t have the need to cry and feel as though I’m mourning over anything … whatever it may be. Life suppose, and the fact that I miss it. Miss who I was, miss what I used to have, miss having fucking money. (Don’t tell me it doesn’t bring happiness.) Because when my kids have food regularly, those pesky little things they ask for (Xbox points, new trendy ‘in’ clothes, cash for lunches at school instead of damn pb&j sandwhiches and/or Mr Noodles) my bills are paid, and I can afford cable and a house phone, it would most def bring me some damn happiness.
I simply can’t be bothered getting into anymore detail than I have tonight.
Go Jenzy! 
I feel as though I’ve said goodbye to an old friend ffs. Pathetic I know.
Not pathetic. It’s a big change. Especially since it numbed you.
Have you tried asking your sons if you can sit in there while they play? I played games a lot, my parents didn’t really understand, I imagine you’re sort of in the same boat. But I didn’t know how to talk to them and didn’t feel like they wanted to talk to me. I wanted them to come sit in there with me. My mom could read on my bed as opposed to hers, and just be in there with me. I begged her a few times, in fact.
Maybe that could be one way to spend time with them? They could even teach you how to play if you wanted.
Aww, THANK YOU for that, I had no idea there was even a possibility they could be feeling that way, gonna test that theory on each of them over the next couple of days, only for short doses of course. And will def ask each of them about teaching me, or hey, I’ll ask them if they’ve a game we can play together. 🙂
I hope it works 🙂
I’m sure as they grow older you can force them over for dinner parties that involve cooking and conversations. Living in the same home, you essentially know what is going on with everything. I know my brother never leaves his room, I at least try to sit with my family to watch movies or TV. But boys can be pretty self-obsessed like that. I’m sure it will pass. As for the oldest, he’s probably swept away by his independence, but you can always suggest he comes around for dinner. Try family counseling? Or every Sunday night, get the family to sit at the table for dinner, no TV, just each other.
I wish I had more to say about the last paragraphs, but I am so tired. I just wanted to say I feel like that a lot too. Can be a hard cycle to break.
Thanks for the Sunday night suggestion, I’ll be enforcing that right away … well, maybe ‘enforcing’ isn’t the rigth word, but I’m going to make it something we do, it’s a good idea and one I don’t think they’ll argue with at least. I do wish we could come to some kind of a happy medium though.
And it’s ok that you didn’t comment much on the last bit, I’m a little embarassed that I rambled on like that.
Hope it goes well! Remember though, it may take time to get back into the habit of easy conversation, so stick with it!
Don’t be embarrassed! I fully support rambling. Rambling is good for the soul 🙂