Tag Archive: fat ass


Slow and steady wins the race?

Jesus I hope so, only down a pound this week. 3 weeks in a row, grrrrrrrrrr!

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What the %^&*#?!

Only down 1 pound this week 😩 Why is that? I’ve been working so hard, and this makes it the second week in a row that I haven’t moved the scales too awful  much. I’m working out 4/5 times a week and believe me, I’m working hard and making every second count. My eating has been as it should be, though I’m wondering if some days I’m not eating enough? Ha. I don’t know about that one. I say that because if I get up late, my breakfast is late, I’ll end up skipping lunch (because it’s too damn soon to eat again) supper as I normally would, then in the evening a bowl of cereal, fruit maybe – and a coffee at most.

I’ve noticed (finally!) my legs are starting to look toned and such, could it have anything to do with incorporating strength training into my workouts a couple of times a week or is it normal to have a couple of shit weeks to begin with?

I’m not really discouraged, ok, maybe a little, but I’m still motivated and have every intention on just sticking with it.  ♄

2 Scoops in Every Box

I’ve changed a few of my pages just a bit, some to allow comments, and I’ve added a Before & After Pictures page … I know, dear Gawd.

O, I’ve begun using the Jillian Michaels Shred Dvd as part of my work out on some days, just to gimmie a break from the treadmill, mind you the weather here has been mild enough during the day to run outside – but I doubt anyone’s gonna see my ass bouncing down the road just yet … Lol It’s around 28 minutes long (there’s 3 separate work-outs, all around the same length of time) and combines cardio with strength training. Damn challenging, but I love it!

Signed up for a free month of Netflix today, likely only check it out for the month then cancel it though.

Anyway, it’s going on 1:30am and morning comes early!

Will catch up on posts again tomorrow. x

Am I an Asshole?

Weigh-in today, packed 2.5 pounds back onto my ass again. I knew that would happen … and not to make excuses (though I’m gonna) I blame it on Christmas and the pot I smoked over those couple of days. No control over what I eat when I’m high. Well, I do, it’s just that I don’t give a shit.

I’m back on the wagon now though and no plans to fall off it again anytime soon. Time to stop smoking again, I know I’ll never be able to get back into running as long as I’m smoking these smelly, disgusting things. I quit for 4 years, then took it up again nearly 2 years ago.

I’ve so much to say tonight, but tired (it’s 1:46am), can’t sleep, lazy as hell …

Wait.

I’m an asshole I think.

I mean, and this is totally random, but, when I met ‘N’, it was within weeks of coming out of an unhealthy relationship. I met him through a mutual friend. I should tell you that he is significantly younger than I am. Anyway, at the time, I felt he was a godsend, had a special connection, understood each other, he really ‘got’ me, know what I mean? However, he was also someone to smoke pot with, we’d sit in the car for hours listening to Metallica or whatever else, smoke bowl after bowl and talk. We were ‘friends’ only. I started to go out on the weekends my kids were away and he’d always be the one to come pick me up or have those ‘talks’ with me when I’d cry uncontrollably and so on, this went on for nearly 7 months. Till one day … yeah, we did the nasty.

Truth be told, for the longest time he didn’t have more to contribute than a dick and some great conversation, but never had any money. And I do mean never, no job, no income at all. Eventually, it became something a little ‘more’ and like any other relationship, it’s goes through one phase to another … he’s still very much a part of my life and while I do love him, I’m hardly feeling fulfilled amongst other things. I don’t even know if it’s the ‘right’ kind of love to be honest. We’ve had arguments and have actually said to each other more than once that we didn’t really want each other, yet didn’t wanna see each other with anyone else. What the fuck does that even mean?

Now? We get along for the most part and that’s the problem. Kinda. I daydream about being with someone my own age, someone that’ll better understand the responsibilities of having teen-aged sons and a mortgage. What I once considered my rock, my safe place, I now sometimes see more as a paper weight.

Don’t get me wrong, I appreciate him if that makes any sense and I appreciate that he’s ‘there’ for me, but at my age – I just expected to be in a different place. Settled down, decent home, and so on. I’m not explaining this very well am I? *Sigh*

I’ve had men interested over the past couple of years that I’ve been interested in and honestly still wonder about a select few and often … but could it be I didn’t really feel that ‘connection’ like I thought  or did I feel they didn’t compare to him OR have I settled because it’s safe and I can be myself and he already knows how fucked up I really can be?

I guess what I’m getting at is that I’m not where I want to be and I don’t see the potential of even coming close to the future I dream of.

I hate how I think sometimes, doesn’t make me feel like a very good person.

Well Then

I’ve been so busy catching up on everyone elses posts, I’ve neglected to update on my wonderful life. Ha.

Wednesday was my ‘weigh in’ … lost 6 pounds the first week! That was the result of eating properly … today for only the second time, I’ve managed to toss some good old-fashioned exercise into the mix. Treadmill, 30 minutes, nearly died. It’s been so long.

Christmas is done, all I’ll be doing at least.

My mood has been shit, tired, lazy, cranky, feeling sorry for myself, not wanting to bother with anyone, ignoring the phone, texts, etc. Same shit different day yeah. Falling behind in bills again. I find that in order to keep up with one bill, I fall behind in another, never a happy medium. So tired of this shit, tired of talking about it, tired of writing about it, tired of worrying about it. 39 years old and I feel 90 some days. Speaking of which, I can see crows feet or whatever you call it forming around my eyes, I think. 😩 Holy eff.

Think it’s time I’ve written about my personal life, the man thing … in desperate need of some advice. Life is going nowhere, can’t imagine anything improving in this shit hole of a town and if I hear one more person say to me ‘life is whatcha make it’ I’m gonna kick em in the #$#@*!

I’ll save it for tomorrow, gonna stick Revolution Road in and fall asleep.

I feel that Gawd hates me and I don’t know why
My heart pains daily and I just wanna cry

I’ve texted my dealer he’s replied with a grin
I know it’s been weeks but I’m about to give in

I long for stability, I’m so fucking tired
I’m really longing to get completely wired

O.M.G.

So, here they are, the before pictures … so embarrassing! I couldn’t wear anything dark, so this was the best (should I say the worst) I could do, certainly no damn camouflaging was there?!

Starting weight: 178.5 pounds.

Holy hell …

Picture updates will be every 4 weeks, weight will be updated every two. Alrighty then.