Category: Weight Loss


It’s been damn near a month since I’ve posted. 😩 The more I avoid it, the harder it’s become … but a certain fellow blogger that rather tickles my fancy, rather motivates me to get back into the ‘community’ and swing of things ~

God, where to start?

My trip to Alberta … left April 13th, returned April 30th. Had a few issues when first arriving to the airport, somewhat of a meltdown, feared the flight, the people, being abandoned, etc, etc. Ended up having a panic attack and thought I was having a heart attack – quite a humiliating and embarrassing experience it was.  After I was calmed down, and made my way through security – it was a matter of minutes before the plane left the ground. I was there nearly 2 hours in advance. 😐

While I was in Alberta, I had very little opportunity to get on-line. My intentions were to divide my time up between my mothers and my aunts place, however, they ended up in a bit of a power struggle and I felt like a piece of rope in a game of tug-o-fucking-war. My aunt is bi-polar and her moods have escalated from awkward to completely out of control over the past several years. More on that another time.

My mother lives in a rather run down ‘ghetto’ area of Edmonton. She doesn’t mind it and says it isn’t too bad of an area … yes, just look at this photo taken just the down the road from her, in fact you can still see her apartment building from it. Ha.

Check out the ‘cable sign’ behind this … lol

Mom and I didn’t do much out of the ordinary, neither of us have much cash, so our time was spent watching movies, drinking coffee and arguing about my not wanting to move there.

My aunt lives a rather lavish life, hubby that works away making the big bucks so she spends her days shopping mostly. She treated me to several new clothes, which was very nice of her – but a bit uncomfortable at the same time. Not to mention I was over ridden with feelings of guilt knowing my kids could’ve used some new clothes themselves. She did promise to take me shopping for them, but I think she ‘forgot’, she does that a lot. But because she was being so kind to me most of the time, I didn’t feel right about reminding her.

My mood fluctuated a lot while I was there and during my stay with her, I experimented with burning. I felt then and feel now as though I deserve … I’m saving this for another post.

Weed habits are right back to what they were, with a few Night time Tylenol’s on the side.

Weight has been staying at approx 145 over these past few weeks, come Monday – I’ll get back on track with my working out. Right now I’m trying to get back on track with eating decent … or at least eating more than once a day.

The highlight of my trip was getting my hair done, a bit of pink in the front – it’s fading pretty damn fast though.

My oldest sons girlfriend took this picture earlier today, she took nearly 2 dozen in fact – and refused to settle till I smiled.

I know what they mean by ‘turkey neck’ now.

New pictures finally added to the before and after.

Is it just me, or are things really fucked up about now?

I’ve spent most of the day numb … I seem to be successfully teaching myself how to shut down at times, it doesn’t always work for me and sometimes works at the reverse moments I want it too, but I’m getting better at it. I spilled an entire ‘bowl’ a little while ago and didn’t give a rats ass, then re-filled it good and took a nice long haul off it … burned my finger. It fascinated me. So I’ve experimented a little. I’ve found something I can control.

4 days left with him. This is just the most fucked up situation and I haven’t the strength to explain it. I only need to survive my arriving day home, April 3oth, I fear that day, I really mean it and that scares me.

I’ve not been sleeping well, up all hours of the night off/on, then wanting to sleep all damn day – so around 10:30 I took a couple of those night-time Tylenol and smoking another bowl now, so all should be better tonight and I’ll get some ZzZzzzz “

 

25 pounds down `

My weight for March 21st was 153.5, which makes my loss an official 25 pounds so far! 🙂

Pictures were taken and I’ll get them up soon. xo

How I’ve been losing …

A couple of people have asked me, what I’ve been doing to lose weight, so … lemme tell ya, not sure if it’s been all ‘good’ or not, but this is my way 98% of the time.

I’ve started off with the little (but important and effective) changes first, things I didn’t think I’d miss, or would easily get used it. For example, milk and 1 sugar in my coffee, instead of 2 sugar and nasty cream.You’ll not find any sugar, butter, salt or ‘white bread’ products in my home. I refuse to buy them and threw away what I had. Tortillas, bread, pita, flour, etc, all whole wheat. My bread (Dempsters) is only 50 cals a slice. The yogurt I buy is the no-sugar added kind and is only 35 cals a serving. No sugar cereals, Shredded Wheat, oatmeal and the plain boring Cheerios, is all you’ll find here. (No worries, your kids will eventually stop hating you lol)

My kids think I’m crazy I think, I measure everything – and will continue to do so until I’m certain of various portion sizes. I hadn’t realized till I started this thing that when you’re eating properly, you can actually have a shitload more than you think without going over your daily calorie allowance. Yes, I said allowance. Lol

I’ve found Sparkpeople.com to be a GREAT resource, and I take full advantage of the tools and advice on there. You can log your work-outs, food, etc. Also, it ‘tallies’ a variety of things for you, like the number of calories you should be consuming daily (with fibre, carbs, protein, etc, break downs), your BMI, healthy weight, approx ‘goal date’, etc. Mind you, the goal dates are often 5434534 years away but that’s okay – their basing it on a healthy 1-2 pound loss a week. Which is safe and really, the average at which I’ve been losing. At 5 feet 2 1/2 inches, my goal is 130lbs. I know, still 30 pounds to go and here I am trying to give advice! Lol 😛

Anyway, the following is a typical day for me when it comes to meals:

Breakfast:
Coffee
2 pieces of whole wheat toast (nothing on my toast cuz I like my eggs runny)
2 eggs
yogurt
piece of fruit (sometimes I’m too full and have this as my in between breakfast and lunch snack)

Lunch:
1/2 whole wheat pita stuffed with 1/2 can tuna, chopped celery, red pepper, lettuce, 1 tbsp light mayo and mustard, pepper
glass of milk

If I’m hungry in between I’ll usually another piece of fruit or some veggies and low cal dip (all measured out of course lol)

Supper:
Baked chicken or something alike
veggies (always!)
brown rice, ‘healthy’ potato wedges, etc.

In the evening I’ll usually have another container or yogurt with a bit of flax-seed in it. You get the idea.

When I first started my ‘work-outs’ were one day on, one day off, repeat, but only for the first couple of weeks, as I wanted to get the eating properly down pack … I’ve learned that no matter how much you work-out, you’ll not lose weight and/or keep it off without eating properly.

Now, I’m working out on average 2/3 days on, with one day off. It’s bullshit for me to try to commit to 5 days a week (especially in a row) because I know I’ll never stick to it. Though this way, works out to an average of 5 times a week most weeks.

I usually spend 45-60 minutes on the treadmill (intervals most days) and then do some strength training. I never work the same muscle groups two days in a row though.

I don’t know what else to say …

Any suggestions on how I could be doing things differently? This seems to be working for me and it’s something I can stick with, so though I’d like to change it up here and there I don’t know that I wanna fix something that isn’t broken, so to speak! ♄

Welp … 9 weeks and down 18.5 pounds. Honestly, I expected it to be more but I’m ok with it … didn’t put it on over night, not gonna lose it overnight! Def looking forward to the next few weigh-ins though, the lower it reads the more excited I become. Been thinking about little ‘rewards’. I’d like to do some tanning again, I know it’s kinda bad, but what isn’t it. Hm. At 150 maybe I’ll start doing it just enough to get some color, then at 140 a new hair-do! I’ve been keeping it trimmed, but aside from that haven’t been doing a damn thing with it. Anyway, I put the updated pictures here.

Had my dog properly groomed the other day, little diva she can be …

I love mai dawggie. xoxox

I went to see a therapist yesterday (I’m assuming that’s what she’s is), nice woman, nose and tongue pierced like myself, and her hair was similar AND she looked to be about the same age. I was trying so damn hard to be comfortable and though I avoided eye contact a lot, as I normally do – I ended up laying everything on the table and told her my deepest and darkest secrets, things I’ve never told another living soul in my entire life. A few ‘milestone’ things/incidents I was really afraid to share with her, but felt the need to tell her as much as I could. She had 7/8 pages of notes by the time the 90 minutes was over. That was yesterday. I’m back again Monday to finish with some evaluations, etc. I’m strangely looking forward to all this and pray that it’ll be the start to some emotional healing.

Getting a really bad taste in my mouth at ranom lately, like metal or tin or whatever, anyone else ever experience that? It isn’t my teeth no, just visited the dentist not long ago … and regardless of what I do I can’t get rid of it, it’s something I’ve never experienced before.

I still haven’t given up the cigs, and my gawd I feel like I stink sometimes, though I’m only smoking 6-7 a day. The pot though, yeah, I’ll save that for another day. Destructive one minute, then positive the next I know. I’m weird I think.

Time to do some catching up. ♄

Still alive, yeah `

I’ve 2 drafts saved from what I’ve written over the past week, happy I didn’t post either … same shit, same cry-baby garbage. I’ve finally an appointment to see someone Thursday morning, 90 minutes she said, I hope she walks me through it cuz I haven’t a clue of where to start.

So tired.

Eating right, check.

Working out, check.

Yep, smoking and again, planning to stop … a part of me is ready, but not really.

Lots of pot.

F.A.I.L.

Sorry I haven’t been around to comment much, I’ve been reading tons – but with each day that passes, I isolate myself more and more … ignoring the phone, text messages, simple emails, going places, etc. Yeah.

I love, yearn for and miss … something. Maybe I haven’t even had it yet. VOID.

 

R.I.P. Grammy

Tough and stubborn she was for 96 … after more than a week of taking turns spending the night (and sleeping very little) she finally passed away shortly after 3 this morning. Selfish perhaps, but I’m thankful I wasn’t the one with her last night. This past week has been long, tedious, sad and confusing.

I apologise for not keeping up with anyone, I’ll hopefully play catch up tonight, anxious to see how a few of you are doing and if you’re ‘Ok’. xxx

Was only down a half a pound on last weeks weigh-in, and though I did take the pictures – I’ve not had much time to get them up … will try and get that done over the next day or two.

xxx

 

 

Down 2.5!

Now weighing in at 162.5! 🙂 3 weeks in a row it was only a pound, so this was kinda nice and def what I needed to keep my motivation high!

MyFitnessPal doesn’t register the ‘.5’ losses though, but that’s OK. Lol

I left a message with mental health yesterday asking to re-book, they called back, but I wasn’t here and missed it so will hopefully reach them today and can finally get an appointment to speak with a professional.

My sons (21, 18 & 16) have been long debating getting matching tattoos, and I’d like something simple, like the Chinese symbol for family.

The only problem is, we can’t agree on where to put it. I initially wanted it on the inside of the wrist, but my youngest doesn’t have any yet and at only 16, I don’t know that I’m really comfortable with that …

Anyway, we’ve been searching forever for other designs, ideas, etc that we could get – but to no avail. This is the only one we’ve all agreed on and that holds any meaning.

 

 

Slow and steady wins the race?

Jesus I hope so, only down a pound this week. 3 weeks in a row, grrrrrrrrrr!

Grrr!

Only down a pound from last week, I know it’s gonna happen every so often but it’s still a disappointment. 😩

I’ve been working so hard … but, this morning after weighing myself, I got right back at it and had a helluva workout. Doing 2 days on, one-off now. For me to make this a regular part of my life I need the commitment to be one that I actually stick with and won’t complain about trying to maintain, I hope this is enough. I do try to make ever second of my workouts count – so I’m confidant this is OK.

I’ve a bit of a student loan kicking in soon and yes, I know what it’s meant for but I really want this pink (yes PINK!) set of furniture I found on Kijiji. They’re only asking $150 for it and it’s the couch, loveseat and chair – very good condition and they’ll even deliver it for another $10. Should I or shouldn’t I? I need decent furniture.

Anyway, it’s 2:24pm and I’ve very little I feel like doing, though much I could do. Clean, study, bid on a few jobs via GAF, but I just can’t be bothered. Think I’ll play a game or two on Pogo. Ha.