Tag Archive: self destruction

What a mood

Been a long, boring, tedious bullshit of a day. Doctors appointment for weigh in, etc is Wenesday morning, and I’ll also be meeting with the dietitian, so that’ll make Wednesday my official starting day.

Gonna fill the bowl and smoke a bit now – going to enjoy it but gonna try not to stuff my effing face, I say that now, ha. Knowing I’ve still 8 days before I start – in one hand makes me wanna take advantage, but Jesus, since I’ve found out I was gonna be doing this I’ve put on another 5 pounds. Lazy slob I am lately, christ. Mind you, I could just smarten the hell up now, but … *gives head a hard shake*

Irritated tonight, worried about bills, Christmas, and so on. Bills are pretty much caught up, but it hardly leaves anything for Christmas, fuck I get tired of this shit.

Anyway, tomorrow is a new day and hopefully I’ll not be feeling as useless.


As you’ve probably already realized, this journal is regarding my new endeavour of  losing weight, as well as kicking a few nasty habits. I’ll be posting daily – but only fuck knows what it’ll bring.

I’m only one of several participants competing for $5000 and desperately need as much support as I can get. I’m hoping it’ll bring a little ‘self discovery’ to the table, and help me to better understand how I’d gotten into the rotten self-destructive behaviours I’d gotten in to begin with. I’m certain I’ll be shedding some sweat and tears over these next few months and undoubtedly, will experience as many highs and lows as a horny nun.

In a few days, I’ll be posting my ‘before’ picture (including stats), and every 4th week afterwards until I reach my goal weight, which will be announced after meeting with the dietitian and family doctor.

My official start date isn’t until over the next few days … and I’m as afraid as I am excited about the challenge. But one thing I am certain of, I’m ready to make anyone that assumes I ‘can’t do it’ eat their words.