Tag Archive: headaches


Whatever

So many things have been going through my head today these past few days – a couple of times I thought about stopping what I was doing (which was likely just being on the damn computer) and posting here, but then I say to myself, why effing bother? Same shit OVER AND OVER, ain’t it?

Been thinking a lot about the people who have been in and out of my life, the decisions I’ve made in the past and how lightly I’d taken some things and how the consequences of my actions have made me who I am and have me where I am today. Feel like I’ve lost so much of myself, sometimes I’ve no idea who I really am or if I even like myself. I can’t stick to anything, I promise to do things I more than often don’t do and worst of all, I’ve given my kids this wonderful life of living in a fucking shit hole of a nasty town and wondering some days if they’re gonna eat or be able to afford a second pair of underwear, once they’ve grown out of the 3 pairs they have. Financially, things haven’t been bad these past few weeks, but the goodness never lasts.

I’m having panic attacks, a hard time getting to sleep and when I finally do, it’s a bitch to get up in the morning, if it’s still morning at all. Having problems concentrating, staying on task, always feel like I’m dragging my ass, headaches at random, a bit cranky and ridiculously anti-social lately, crying easily and flat-out feeling mentally exhausted, useless and beat down.

I’ve still not seen the doctor again regarding my medications, I keep thinking that maybe I’ll one day ‘snap’ out of this or that it’s a phase and I’ll be alright, etc.

I’m still eating healthy and exercising, I kinda thought a lot of this would go away or at least it’d help, but aside from the scale moving (slow but steady) I’m not feeling any different and my ‘head’ hasn’t become any more clear. Yes, I assumed it would make a huge difference, isn’t it supposed to?

I’m back to smoking, well, kinda. 6-7 a day now, I honestly don’t give a shit anymore. Same with the pot, I have it, I’m smoking it here in a bit and thankfully, I’ve been managing my eating just FINE.

I can’t keep writing things like this, it’s boring the ass off me.

Enter Title Here

Hi.

Well, I must say I’ve had a much better day today … ate well (though I’m picking again tonight, ffs) had a good work out. Moods a little better, not sure what’s been going on with me to be honest, tired of feeling frustrated and about ready to give up some days I guess. Before I forget to mention it, I put my last cigarette out 12:am Jan 1st. I know it’s a good thing yes, but I’d still smoke one (or 10) if I had them.

I am so damn tired lately, always feel like I’m dragging my ass – why is that? I’m eating properly for the most part, getting some excercise, yet I am always tired. Could it be the meds after all? I’ve told the doctor a couple of times that I’ve been getting headaches, feeling sick off/on AND this stuff seriously desensitizes¬† my you know what and I HATE THAT! But I feel like she’s brushing me off and just tells me to stick with them. I don’t know, I’ve never been very good when it comes to taking anything regularly, so maybe she thinks they’re excuses and I’m trying to get out of taking them?

Anyway, I’d better go – I need to enforce this internet off at 10pm thing on school night … lead by example they say, ha. Whoever ‘they’ is.