very slowly.

I leave on the 13th for a visit with my aunt and mother out west, and he leaves the 24th. I’m leaving before him. The morning of the 13th will be the last time that we ever see each other I believe.

He’s gone from saying he’s only visiting, to “I’m only staying a month”, now it’s 2 months with hints of permanently.

I have to admmit that I’m ashamed of making someone so important to me, that I fear I’ll be nothing without him in my life. Not that I aint half way there mind you, gonna be the big 4-0, single, broke, no friends.

The safest part of my life that’s given any kind of emotional stability, acceptance, no explanations for my behavior, etc is over within 20 days.

Too many thoughts in my head as is, I’m not willing to accept and process this one just yet and I’m working hard at not letting it destroy me and just trying to emotionally SHUT DOWN.