I’ve slipped back into the hole, I just don’t get it.

I’ve given up pot, smoking, was taking my meds, working out regularly, eating right, etc, until a couple of days ago. BAM. FUCKING POW. First just a ‘little’ pot, then a ‘little’ more, but then hey, someone offers you a sweet deal and I think o yeah, I can handle this, I’m OK – and here I am again on a fucking bender it feels like. High every night, ignoring everyone, text messages I rarely check till I feel like actually moving and saying the hell with the meds.

Maybe they were helping more than I think, at least I felt like I was in control better when I actually stick with them, but one of the worst side effects is that it can make rubbing one-off near impossible, it’s like everything goes numb down there and I often feel somewhat sedated on them – and not the fun kind of sedated either… it frustrates me so damn bad sometimes.

Back to the drawing board tomorrow, I’ll still have some pot left though, why did I do this? One thing I believe to be true of smoking point, and more now than ever that it DOES rob you of any motivation.

 

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