So a friend of mine dropped in tonight. Usually she’s all about smoking pot and chatting endlessly about men … this time however, she had some Coke. I haven’t touched the stuff in 20+ years, she knows this and I’ve no interest in replacing one drug habit with another, especially with something I’ve gotta take up my nose. I told her I didn’t want any and she literally threw a tantrum, I’m talking mouthing off loudly, telling me I wasn’t ‘fun anymore’, didn’t wanna do anything and this is the reason I’ve the ’emotional’ problems I do. Well, so be fucking it then. I do admit to getting a couple of Oxy’s from her, but holy hell, I think it’s time to just put people like her out of my life. Maybe I shouldn’t be saying that – but with friends like that I’m thinking who needs enemies? I said no, and that should’ve been the end of it. She left saying ‘whatever’ and knowing her the way I do, I doubt she’ll be dropping by again anytime soon.
I feel as though I’m continuously pushing people out of my life, one way or another. Either by avoiding them or simply pissing them off for whatever reason. But I’m trying so hard to change my habits, I just wish I had decent people in ym life instead – know what I mean? By decent I mean those that’ll not be trying to push me to do things I feel aren’t good for me and fuck knows, one temptation always leads to another. Anyone suggesting otherwise is fooling themselves in my opinion.
My eating has been OK, was a little hungry tonight so had a clementine, a few almonds and a piece of whole wheat bread with a bit of peanut butter, I hate peanut butter. Tastes like ass.
My kids are back home tomorrow, then back in school Monday morning – my basement looks like a hurricane hit it and the mere sight of it is hardly motivating when it comes to jumping on the treadmill … clothes can be dropped off at the Salvation Army, paper, etc actually sorted … I’d somehow like to make it look my ‘work out-ish’ if possible, any ideas?
Also, I’ve a spare room I’ve decided to turn into an ‘office’ upstairs – it’s pretty dull really, computer desk, computer, more storage junk, which I’m gonna stuff into a closet till I actually get around to sorting through it … Yeah.
I’ve been having the worst dreams, long story short – my stepmother, of whom I was close to, died only 5 months ago. Last night I dreamt that somebody called me and claimed to be her … I said “no she die …d”. After a bit of mindless weird chatter, I discovered it was man and he was down right CRAZY. Starting stalking me, coming around my home, tapping on the windows, calling and hanging up, etc, sounds funny maybe, but it was really scary. I dream some weird shit like that sometimes. And I’m not kidding, but I see people who have already passed on in my dreams and often … but they’re not always sad and/or upsetting, but always awkward somehow. Almost afraid to Google its meaning.
Anyway, I’ve a few New Year’s Resolutions I wanna make, will post them tomorrow. Hope everyone’s had a great day/night. x
People that don’t respect you are not worth bothering with.
You’re right. x
I would’ve liked to ‘like’ this post, but it seems like you’re having a tough time. I think we all do that. Push people out of our lives. I do it far too often.
I do it for the wrong reasons (because they get too close), but I think you’re right to if the person is a bad influence.
As for making your place nearer, carry around a bag for things to throw away
I’m looking forward to seeing your resolutions. Happy New Year, Jenzy.
(stupid wordpress cut me off. :/)
🙂
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When I stop and think about it, I really want to put anyone and everyone of those people out of my life, those that are a bad influence I mean. Thing is, soon be nobody left, at least that’s how it feels. Damn, great crowd I’ve been associated with huh? Weird though, those that most would deem good or decent, positive, etc, I’ve pushed away long before ever giving them a chance. Strange how we can be like that sometimes … keep those that are good an arms length away, those with a bad influence we keep closer, so it seems. I hope that made sense!
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I’m proud of you….it sounds like you are making some very tough, but very beneficial decisions! I think you’re smart to get the people out of your life who bring you down. I’m sure it’s hard, but I think it’s necessary for your ultimate happiness and success.
You have a lot of temptations around you and I think it’s awesome you’re able to withstand them. The more you do that, the stronger you will become.
Whenever I “dejunk” my house, I separate things into 3 piles; trash, charity and things that belong in other places in the house. I then chuck the trash, donate the bags to charity and then find “homes” for all of the other random things. With my 5 kids, it doesn’t stay clean for long! Good luck!
Something that motivates me to exercise is to hang up pictures of fitness models that I admire. Sounds weird, but it makes me want to work harder! So, you could place a few pictures or motivational sayings near your treadmill or something. Exercise is just plan hard anyway you slice it!
Your dreams sound very freaky btw. I have dreams like that sometimes too! Very scary. However, you are making some pretty significant changes in your life, so I would think strange dreams might be par for the course!
Hang in there! You really are doing great and I’m so inspired by your determination!
Ahh, like you’re cleaning ritual Melanie! Sounds a heck of a lot easier than what I’ve been doing … soon going to tackle this basement and will be doing it your way. I don’t think the fitness models is weird at all, in fact, I think it’d be great motivation staring at their svelte bodies while I work out! Lol
Thank you 🙂
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Jenzy! I’m still here. You can’t write me off that easily. Holidays, family, and medical emergencies have all pushed my “alone” time to blog or catch up to the back burner for the time being. I am (will be) back on a more regular basis soon. There are FIVE adults right now in my house vying for chat, conversation, and time, so getting away for :Luke” time is impossible. THIS is my private space; no one but people I don’t know is aware of my inner demons.
Enough of me. Now, YOU: don’t you dare feel guilty for pushing destructive friends out of your life. But you know this. No preaching, just encouragement. YOU GO, GIRL! You have a goal(s), and anyone/thing that obstructs you from attaining it SHOULD be discarded if they are not supportive. I don’t “know” you, but I am proud of your self-awareness. If that matters any…
So, I will be back. In the meantime, have a great New Year celebration in whatever fashion you can or want tonight. (Odd point: when people say “Happy New Year!,” do they mean the WHOLE year or just that night?). Felicidades, amiga!
You’ve a full house! Thank you Luke, and nice to see you’re still ‘around’. 🙂 Your comments and being ‘proud’ does in fact matter, I’m loving this community and appreciate each and everyone of you that takes the time to read and respond … ya’ll are keeping me sane. I hope the new year brings great things to you Lukey! ♥
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Good for you for not giving in. This is a tough time of the year with the holidays. I saw a cool saying the other day, it said, “There comes a time in life when you have to let go of all the pointless drama and the people who create it and surround yourself with people who make you laugh so hard that you forget the bad and focus solely on the good. After all, life is too short to be anything but happy.” My point being that pushing some people away that aren’t good for you should be viewed as a positive thing. I wish you the best to continue in your journey’s of change. Happy new year, Jenzy! 🙂
Thank you sweet girl, and happy new years to you! 🙂
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Get rid of the toxic people! You don’t have to have them. I KNOW you can meet more positive people, there is no doubt in my mind. You don’t have to settle for mediocritry! She sounds like shes too gone to be a very good frend annymore anyway 😦
Yeah, she kinda is really 😦 Always has been, but thinks it’s the ‘norm’ and that I’m not ‘uptight’.
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Don’t hold on to people who aren’t good for you. You deserve better. They should be respectful and supportive of your decisions. I agree with the comment above totally. Think about it as moving on and moving forward, rather than pushing people away.
Happy New Year and I wish you call the best.
xxS
Thanks hun, hope you’ve a wonderful 2012 as well! xx
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