So a friend of mine dropped in tonight. Usually she’s all about smoking pot and chatting endlessly about men … this time however, she had some Coke.  I haven’t touched the stuff in 20+ years, she knows this and I’ve no interest in replacing one drug habit with another, especially with something I’ve gotta take up my nose. I told her I didn’t want any and she literally threw a tantrum, I’m talking mouthing off loudly, telling me I wasn’t ‘fun anymore’, didn’t wanna do anything and this is the reason I’ve the ’emotional’ problems I do. Well, so be fucking it then. I do admit to getting a couple of Oxy’s from her, but holy hell, I think it’s time to just put people like her out of my life. Maybe I shouldn’t be saying that – but with friends like that I’m thinking who needs enemies? I said no, and that should’ve been the end of it. She left saying ‘whatever’ and knowing her the way I do, I doubt she’ll be dropping by again anytime soon.

I feel as though I’m continuously pushing people out of my life, one way or another. Either by avoiding them or simply pissing them off for whatever reason.  But I’m trying so hard to change my habits, I just wish I had decent people in ym life instead – know what I mean? By decent I mean those that’ll not be trying to push me to do things I feel aren’t good for me and fuck knows, one temptation always leads to another. Anyone suggesting otherwise is fooling themselves in my opinion.

My eating has been OK, was a little hungry tonight so had a clementine, a few almonds and a piece of whole wheat bread with a bit of peanut butter, I hate peanut butter. Tastes like ass.

My kids are back home tomorrow, then back in school Monday morning – my basement looks like a hurricane hit it and the mere sight of it is hardly motivating when it comes to jumping on the treadmill … clothes can be dropped off at the Salvation Army, paper, etc actually sorted … I’d somehow like to make it look my ‘work out-ish’ if possible, any ideas?

Also, I’ve a spare room I’ve decided to turn into an ‘office’ upstairs – it’s pretty dull really, computer desk, computer, more storage junk, which I’m gonna stuff into a closet till I actually get around to sorting through it … Yeah.

I’ve been having the worst dreams, long story short – my stepmother, of whom I was close to, died only 5 months ago. Last night I dreamt that somebody called me and claimed to be her … I said “no she die …d”. After a bit of mindless weird chatter, I discovered it was  man and he was down right CRAZY. Starting stalking me, coming around my home, tapping on the windows, calling and hanging up, etc, sounds funny maybe, but it was really scary. I dream some weird shit like that sometimes. And I’m not kidding, but I see people who have already passed on in my dreams and often … but they’re not always sad and/or upsetting, but always awkward somehow. Almost afraid to Google its meaning.

Anyway, I’ve a few New Year’s Resolutions I wanna make, will post them tomorrow. Hope everyone’s had a great day/night. x

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